But if the boss didn’t come at all, didn’t call you, the reports were submitted, the children are healthy, the husband is at work, the iron is turned off (you checked it five times and took it with you), but something is still eating you – you need to work with it!
Distinguish between constructive and destructive anxiety. Constructive anxiety is useful in itself – it is a signal that something needs to be done to change the situation.
Destructive anxiety is a multifaceted phenomenon. But on any of the sides it is not at all clear what to do. Let’s conditionally single out the three most striking aspects of destructive anxiety:
- Anxiety is unaccountable. Something is wrong, but what exactly is not entirely clear. Something is gnawing at you, but you cannot rationally grasp the cause of your anxiety.
- situational anxiety. You know what you’re afraid of. But there’s nothing you can do about it. You haven’t been able to for 30 years. The event itself may be small, but it is perceived as a catastrophe.
- Personal anxiety. It’s like in an old fairy tale: what if I have a son, he goes to the cellar for cucumbers and an ax falls on him … I mean, if there is no reason for alarm, then you will invent it.
Often it is the state of unmotivated (unaccountable) anxiety that the body signals about malfunctions in its work. Moreover, other symptoms of the disease may not be for quite some time. There are a lot of ailments that “sound the alarm” in the most literal sense. And they can be quite formidable. But most often we are worried about changes in the functioning of the thyroid gland, metabolic disorders, lack of vitamins and trace elements (for example, magnesium and vitamin D).
What to do?
The priority task is to eliminate the physical causes of anxiety. The doctor (therapist or neurologist) prescribes tests and analyzes based on the collected history and complaints of the patient. And only after making sure that there are no organic disorders, we can talk about the psychological causes of increased anxiety.
There are a number of situations that can provoke anxiety, regardless of which psychotype a person belongs to: a situation of uncertainty in any of the areas of life (fired or not fired, married or not married), periods of major changes (can I cope with a new position whether I will settle down in a new country), loss of control over the situation, moments when demands exceed possibilities.
Everyone has their own type of “disturbing situations”: some of us do not tolerate separations and separations, others are afraid of failure, and others begin to worry when they lose control over the situation.
Your colleagues, for example, may find your constant worry about children ridiculous: why do you call them five times a day? But you will not be affected by the general panic when submitting quarterly reports: this is just a report, the main thing is that everything is in order at home …
This state of affairs is quite normal, because each person has his own weak points.
What to do?
- Learn to ask for help. Not necessarily psychologists. It is possible to people who have already encountered similar situations or for whom this type of irritant is not dangerous. They can provide support and give confidence.
- Accept your anxiety. State: yes, I am afraid, and this is normal. If you begin to criticize yourself for anxiety, demand strength and determination from yourself, then anxiety will only intensify.
- Express your anxiety. This can be done in any way that is acceptable to you: loudly declare to others, write on paper … And you should write everything that comes to mind, without criticism and evaluation. Having put everything on the shelves, you can comprehend what is really dangerous and what is just scary.
- Go in for sports. It has long been known that the release of adrenaline is needed to stimulate physical activity. Just work off your “dose” of anxiety.
- Try different options for solving the problem, do not be afraid to look at the situation from different angles and points of view, any active position in overcoming difficulties is better than passive inaction: it translates your anxiety into the category of constructive ones.
This type of anxiety has deeper roots. People with an anxious personality type worry even when everything is going well in their lives. As a rule, the basis of the phenomenon is a traumatic life experience. It can be any situation that happened a few years ago or in childhood. These include, for example, the experience of loss, emotional abuse (devaluation, criticism, humiliation, pressure), physical or sexual abuse, living with a person who is addicted to alcohol and drugs, caring for relatives who suffered from severe somatic diseases …
Among people with personal anxiety, those who are in the so-called border zone, on the verge of normal and pathological, are especially singled out. They need the help of a psychotherapist, and the key to treatment is medication.
What to do?
- It is very difficult to cope with personal anxiety on your own. As a rule, specialist help is needed. While working with personal anxiety, psychologists often encounter resistance, rejection, and aggression. The task of a specialist is to help a person separate the past from the present. Just because you lost someone doesn’t mean everyone you love is doomed. If your father was an aggressive alcoholic, not all men close to you will be like that. A psychologist is needed to help you distinguish danger from memories of danger.
- Another option is to find a support group. These may be people who have experienced a similar problem. In a support group, you can tell everything that worries you, avoid criticism and negativity, learn something from the experience of other people. In the case of personal anxiety, you need to help the person survive that situation as much as possible – cry out tears, express anger. It is necessary to work out the situation to the end, go through all the stages of its experience. That’s the only way to leave it in the past. Don’t live in the present day by day.
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